My Call To Go Out
By Amanda Berry Smith
It was in November,
1869. God had led me clearly up to this time confirming His work through me as I went all about—sometimes to Brooklyn,
then to Harlem, then to Jersey City. All this was among my own people, and our own colored churches, though I often went beside
to old Second Street, Norfolk Street, Willett Street, Bedford Street, and to different white Methodist churches, to class
meetings and prayer meetings; but very little with white people, comparatively. The most I did was among my own people. There
were then but few of our ministers that were favorable to women's preaching or taking any part, I mean in a public way; but,
thank God, there always were a few men that dared to stand by woman's liberty in this, if God called her. Among these, I remember,
was Henry Davis, Rev. James Holland, Rev. Joshua Woodland, Rev. Joseph H. Smith, and Rev. Leonard Patterson, and others—but
it is different now. We have women deaconesses, and leaders, and women in all departments of church work. May God in mercy
save us from the formalism of the day, and bring us back to the old time spirituality and power of the fathers and mothers.
I often feel as I look over the past and compare it with the present, to say: "Lord, save, or we perish."
As the Lord led,
I followed, and one day as I was praying and asking Him to teach me what to do I was impressed that I was to leave New York
and go out. I did not know where, so it troubled me, and I asked the Lord for light, and He gave me these words: "Go, and
I will go with you." The very words He gave to Moses, so many years ago.
I
said, "Lord, I am willing to go, but tell me where to go and I will obey Thee;" and clear and plain the word came, "Salem!" I said, "Salem! why, Lord,
I don't know anybody in Salem. O, Lord, do help me, and if this is Thy voice speaking to me, make it plain where I shall go."
And again it came, "Salem."
"O, Lord, Thou knowest
I have never been to Salem, and only have heard there is such a place."
I remembered that
five years before while living in Philadelphia, I was at Bethel Church one morning, and the minister gave out that their quarterly
meeting was to be held at Salem the next Sunday. I could not go —I was at service—this was all that I had heard
about Salem, or knew. I said: "O, Lord, don't let Satan deceive me, make it very plain to me, and if this is Thy voice, speak
again to me, do Lord, make it clear, so as to make me understand it, and I will obey Thee. Now, Lord, I wait to hear Thee
speak to me, and tell me where to go," and I heard the word coming, I was afraid, it seemed as though the Lord would strike
me down, and I drew down as though to hide, and the word came with power, "Salem," and I said, "Lord, that is enough, I will
go."
A few weeks passed.
O, how I was tested to the very core in every way. My rent was five dollars a month, and I wanted to pay two months before
I went. I prayed and asked the Lord to help me to do this. It was wonderful how He did. I needed a pair of shoes. I told the
Lord I was willing to go with the shoes I had if He wanted me to, but they were broken in the sole, and I said: "Lord, Thou
knowest if I get my feet wet I will be sick; now, if it is Thy will to get the shoes, either give me some work to do or put
it in the heart of somebody to give me the money to get the shoes." And these words came from God to my heart: "If thou canst
believe; all things are possible to him that believeth." And I said, "Lord, the shoes are mine," and I put them on as really
as ever I put on a pair of shoes in my life! O, how real it was. I claimed them by faith. When I got up I walked about and
felt I really had the very shoes I had asked for on my feet. O, how very true that blessed promise—"What things so ever
ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them and ye shall have them." I know that truth. Hallelujah!
Some
three days after I said to my friend, Sister Scott, "I want to go to Seventh street before I go away, for I have promised
some friends ever since the Sing Sing Camp Meeting, and I have never had the chance to go, and I must go before I leave."
The day before was Thanksgiving day, and I was over in Jersey City helping Brother Lewis. He had a meeting in the church on
that day, so at Seventh street we had a good prayer and testimony meeting. Rev. John Parker was pastor. The Lord helped me
to speak, and I told them the Lord had told me I was to go to Salem, and I was going, and I had only come to say, "How do
you do, and good-bye." At the close of the meeting friends gathered around me and said, "Why, Sister Smith, where were you
yesterday? We looked for you. We had a grand Thanksgiving sermon." Another said, "Come to my class." I said, "Thank you, but
I, can't now; you must wait till I come back; I have got orders from above to go."
As dear old Father
Brummell passed out he said, "Good-bye, Sister Smith." He shook my hand and put something in it. I thanked him and put it
in my pocket, and so went home. As I sat by the fire and was warming myself—I had read my chapter in the Bible, and
I was sitting thinking about the meeting—I began to get very drowsy and sleepy. "Well, I thought, I must get ready to
go to bed." Just then the thought came to me, "You had better see what that money is Father Brummell gave to you."
"Yes," I thought.
"I had forgot that."
I put my hand in
my pocket and took it out; there was one two dollar bill and three one dollar bills. I spread it on the table and counted
it. It was the first time I ever had that much money given me in my life, just for nothing, like, and I thought I must have
made a mistake in counting it, so I counted it again. Yes, it was really five dollars. Then I said, "Surely I have made a
mistake; I am asleep, I guess;" so I rubbed my eyes and walked up and down the floor and went back and counted it again. Yes,
it really was five dollars, and I said, "Well, how is it?" Just then a voice whispered, "You know you prayed about your shoes."
"O," I shouted, "Yes,
Lord, I remember now. Praise the Lord! O, Praise the Lord!"
I was so happy I
could hardly go to sleep. It was the Lord's doing, and it was marvelous. Amen.
After
I had decided to obey the call and was getting ready to go, Satan fiercely attacked me as I stood ironing and praying earnestly
to God. He said: "When Jesus sent out His disciples He sent them out two and two, and now you are going alone; they will say
you are going to look for a husband, like others."
Then I thought of
several that I knew who had gone out and really did get married, after a time; but what business was that to the old Accuser,
and what had he to do with it? But the thought was so foreign from me that I cried out, "Thou knowest that is a lie. Thou
knowest I only want to do God's will."
The Tempter harassed
me so that I set my iron down and went into the room and got on my knees and said, "Lord help me, and choose somebody to go
with me, if Thou dost want me to have a companion. Lord, I would like Sister Scott to go; I know her and love her; could get
on so nicely together; but she has a family and she cannot go. Then there is Sister Bright, in Philadelphia, and others I
know. If I were to choose them we might not be congenial spirits, and so would not get on together; so, Lord, if Thou wilt
direct me to whom Thou wouldst, all will be well; and now, Lord, I wait before Thee earnestly to hear Thy word to me." And
these words of Jesus were whispered as distinctly as a father's voice to his child, and it said: "Did I not tell you that
I would with you?" And in a moment I remembered what He had said before—"Go and I will go with you."
"O, yes, Jesus,"
I said; "so you did." I had forgotten it; and I arose filled with joy and peace. Praise the Lord for victory!
A few days later
I was off to Salem, New Jersey. I stayed a week in Philadelphia, and came near giving up and not going; notwithstanding God
had clearly answered prayer, and made all so plain to me. O, the weakness and frivolity of poor human beings. Lord, pity us
for Jesus' sake. Amen.
Oh! how much one
has to unlearn in order to learn God's will more perfectly, I left New York for Salem, where God first sent me, in November,
1869, and returned in June.
